At a shitty bar the other night I was horrified to see that the markets have been injected into the jukebox. On this flatscreen, touch-activated 'jukebox,' you could not only summon songs not readily available on disk (through the power of the Internet, for extra money), but you could bump your songs to the front of the line by paying extra quarters. I thought to myself, "Who seriously can't wait their turn? Who likes this?" and of course the first person to delight over this market technology was someone from my table, who bumped his line-up to the fore.
The MP3 jukebox is inevitable, sure, but I think the network jukebox will prove to be a mistake. Psychologically speaking, people are comfortable with a limited range of choices: We prefer limited menus, discrete clothing aisles, a capped range of grocery options. (I'm thinking of a New Yorker piece that isn't available online.) The tolerance range differs for various kinds of choices, but a generic rule obtains: No one wants that many options. The digital jukebox aims to provide the customer with the song he has in mind already, but the potential of the jukebox is to provoke a decision in the person who's just browsing.
Moreover, let's face it—jukeboxes were never meant to be this democratic. No one wants some fringe lunatic feeding five dollars worth of Cocteau Twins in the player. Jukeboxes are a surrogate for DJs, and a good jukebox director provides a range of sounds that reflects not only his taste but the bar's as well—so no Dead Can Dance in anyone's line-up. The analog jukebox already reflects a market tendency that stands to be subverted by that asshole who brought all his laundry money into the club.
Unfortunately, zeal for all things digital will probably make for more bars scrambling for updated jukebox technology. If the other night was any indication, you'll be hearing a lot more Radiohead, and though we all like Radiohead, there's a reason why you'll only occasionally find a copy of The Bends at your local watering hole. Fitter, happier jukeboxes are not more productive.
Posted by Kriston at April 12, 2004 3:55 PMdude. radiohead can be *good* bar music. i guess especially if you're drinking by yourself after being dumped and morosely trying to hit on the bartender, or something.
dc9 was pretty crappy, indeed.
Posted by: catherine at April 12, 2004 4:35 PMIt's rare you'll get me to argue for the market's ability to fix everything. On the other hand, I tend to think the internet can fix everything. So I'm at a bit of a crossroads.
I agree that the jump-ahead functionality is bad for everyone but the bar owner and rich people with poor musical taste (and Aaron). And there's certainly something to be said for a jukebox's ability to define a bar's identity. But I'd argue that the much-longed-for celestial jukebox is actually a good thing, even in a bar setting. If you must, absolutely must hear Livin' On A Prayer (I have been known to feel this urge), then nobody will stop you. But it might cost you more money than the catalog that's been selected by the bar owner. The preferred albums can be prominently featured, given a price cut, cross-referenced (ala Amazon's "you might also like" function), and set to play automatically every N songs, or when there's a lapse in purchased music.
Or we could could just put a light on everyone's table that goes on when their songs are playing. That's right: I demand market-based solutions and increased personal responsibility. I'm a jukebox conservative.
Posted by: tom at April 12, 2004 4:53 PMNo doubt, and I much prefer an authoritarian-left approach to your bar standards. A structured, hierarchal range of albums, and you have to give me some quarters if I'm out of change.
Posted by: Kriston at April 12, 2004 4:59 PMMy god. That's brilliant.
Posted by: walsh at April 12, 2004 5:26 PMThe super search feature is bringing in twice the normal revenue of a traditional juke box at one of the bars I frequent. I never thought I'd be caught paying $1.00 for one song, until I found the Edwin Hawkins Singers on super search. It's a bitch, but suckers still line up to pay.
Posted by: J.Scott Barnard at April 13, 2004 7:07 AMI'm all about a good mix of music while in the bar (my friends will attest to my near-religious fervor regarding the jukebox). Therefore, I reserve the "bump button" for those occasions where some lovely soul has filled the box with $10 worth of thrash metal. Not a good mix of thrash metal... which I could respect on some level... but the same 5 songs played on an endless loop.
Posted by: Leslie at April 13, 2004 11:27 AMi just think it's unromantic. isn't part of the fun being happily surprised when your song suddenly comes on?
where is your jukebox nostalgia, people?
Posted by: catherine at April 13, 2004 12:07 PMI don't know, I'd be pretty excited if the Cocteau's Iceland Luck came on while I was in the bar. Not everything on 4AD makes you want to hang yourself.
Posted by: JD at April 13, 2004 1:13 PMOn one hand, this is evil. On the other hand, the only places I can see indulging in this crap are the ones that had crappy jukeboxes to begin with.
Now that I've said that my favorite punk bars that still have jukeboxes that only take quarters will switch over. Nah, it couldn't happen.
I appreciate choice. No longer will my jukebox mimic my FM radio!
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